What is Parent Burnout and Am I at Risk?
Your Guide to Parental Burnout and Caregiver Burnout
Parenting is often a joyous journey, but it's also a demanding one that can involve challenges, stress, and exhaustion, and can sometimes lead to parental burnout. In the quest to best support the needs of children, it's easy to overlook the toll that it can sometimes take on the mental and emotional well-being of parents.
In this guide, we'll delve into parent burnout, exploring its key features and shedding light on its signs and symptoms. Understanding what parental burnout truly entails is the first step toward recognizing if you might be at risk, or if you or someone you care about is already struggling with parent burnout. Learning how to prevent parent burnout or heal from burnout contributes to healthier parents and healthier families.
In this guide, you’ll find essential information about parent burnout including:
What is parental burnout
Why is parent burnout important
What parental burnout symptoms to watch for
What are the risk factors for parent burnout
How parent burnout is affecting families
How to help someone with parental burnout
Knowing who is at risk for parent burnout, how to spot the signs, and what to do if you suspect burnout will help to reduce the stress and trauma that can result from experiencing burnout as a parent or being parented by someone struggling with burnout.
What is Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout is when the constant stress and demands of being a parent start to feel overwhelming, leaving you emotionally and mentally exhausted. It's like running on empty because you're juggling so much that it becomes really hard to keep up and take care of yourself. Unlike ordinary and transient parenting stress, parental burnout is a chronic stress-related syndrome experienced in the parental role (1).
Parental burnout occurs when parenting stress severely and chronically overwhelms parents’ resources to cope (2). Without sufficient time or support to recharge their batteries to continue to meet parenting demands, parents can become so depleted that they begin to shut down, distance themselves, or numb out in order to reduce the discomfort of burnout and conserve their limited resources.
Why is Parent Burnout Important?
We saw a significant rise in reports of, and interest in, parent burnout during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic and related lockdowns when many parents experienced a perfect storm of increased responsibilities, blurred boundaries between work and home, and limited support systems. Many parents found themselves navigating remote work while managing their kids' education, household chores, and the emotional toll of uncertainty, and struggling to keep up. Although the intensity of this global stressor is behind us, many parents continue to live daily lives in which the demands of parenting are overwhelming their physical, emotional, financial, and other resources; leaving them at risk for parent burnout.
Parental burnout isn't just about feeling tired or stressed; it's a serious issue that often affects the entire family dynamic, and can ripple out into a parent’s work life, friendships, and other important areas. Parent burnout is not an inevitable part of the parent experience, but it can become much more likely when parenting demands and other responsibilities held by a parent outweigh the resources that they have available to meet those demands.
What Parental Burnout Symptoms to Watch for
Knowing and recognizing the symptoms of parental burnout can help to clarify when parenting stress or temporary struggles start to become a more chronic problem like burnout. Spotting the four key features of burnout and helping parents reduce demands and increase supports can make the difference between prolonged suffering or healing from burnout.
The Four Key Features of Parent Burnout:
The first key feature of parent burnout is intense physical and/or emotional exhaustion, where parents might express feeling completely worn out by the demands of their parenting role. It's essential to pay attention to statements like, "I feel drained by the demands of parenting," as this can signal a potential struggle with burnout.
The second feature involves a sense of being fed up with the parent role. Parents might express feeling incapable of coping. Phrases like, "I can't handle being a parent right now," are indicative of this sentiment.
Another critical aspect to watch for is emotional distancing from children, the third key feature of parent burnout. Parents may find themselves going through the motions of parenting such as feeding their children, transporting them to school, appointments, or activities, or helping with homework, but feel emotionally detached from the interactions, as expressed in statements like, "I do the basics for my child, but nothing more." This emotional disengagement can have significant implications for both parent and child well-being.
The fourth key feature of parent burnout involves a sense of contrast with the previous parental self. When parents express sentiments like, "I feel like I've lost my direction as a mom/dad," it highlights a change from a previous, more confident and directed parenting identity, and suggests the possibility of burnout (3).
What are the Risk Factors for Parent Burnout?
It's crucial to shine a light on parent burnout because acknowledging the challenges parents face is the first step in finding solutions, especially for those parents at greatest risk for burnout. Recent research exploring parent burnout in 42 countries across the world found that approximately 5% of parents are experiencing burnout at any given moment. Parent burnout rates were closer to 8% in the United States and other Western cultures where “grind culture” and disconnected communities are more common (4).
Since parent burnout results from an imbalance between parental demands and the necessary resources to meet those demands, it is not surprising that parents whose children require more support, and parents who have less access to resources such as time, money, energy, and support from others are at greater risk of burning out. Parents of young children, parents of three or more children, and parents of special needs kids or children with higher support needs are at greater risk of burning out compared to parents of older children, fewer children, or children with lower support needs.
How Parent Burnout is Affecting Families
When parents are running on empty, it's not just a personal struggle—it spills over into family life. Disengaging from children, partners, or friends and avoiding challenging tasks or interactions can compound stressors and leave children without the support that they need. Difficulty regulating emotions; or numbing their emotions with distractions such as social media, overworking, or substances such as alcohol or drugs can lessen one’s ability to parent in a way that aligns with their values.
If a parent is emotionally checked out, just doing the bare minimum, it leaves a gap in once meaningful parent-child connections. The bedtime stories might become rushed, family dinners may be a hotbed for tension or fighting, and once-laugh-filled moments can become muted. Seeing a parent who was once vibrant, involved, and emotionally connected become shut down, irritable, or distant can be confusing to children, who may interpret this change as their fault or start seeing themselves as a burden to their parent.
It's not just about the parent feeling off; it's the whole family taking a hit. Both parents and kids can feel the effects of these unfulfilling, distant, or even chaotic interactions, and that's where the real damage of burnout sneaks in. Recognizing these shifts is key to healing parent burnout, patching up those family connections, and finding a way back to the joyful parts of parenting.
How to Help Someone with Parental Burnout
Helping out someone dealing with parent burnout means offering smart and practical support. It’s a good idea to recommend simplifying things by reducing non-essential tasks and activities to lessen the demands that are overwhelming them. Help them out with remaining tasks, like getting groceries delivered or involving family members in chores. Use paper plates on the night that dishes are just too hard to do; or say no to the invitation to an event that will cause more stress than joy. Being part of a supportive community is important too. Remind them they're not alone and connecting with other parents, whether in person or online, can provide understanding and shared experiences.
Don't forget to stress the importance of doing things that make them happy. Suggest small changes that can make things better. Encourage them to adjust daily routines and find moments for self-care, like taking short breaks during the day. Listening to a song that gets their energy pumping; taking 5 minutes to sit and enjoy the scent and flavor of a warm beverage; or talking to a friend on the phone for a few minutes of connection can be moments of positive shifts that add up over time. Whether it's picking up an old hobby, taking quiet time for themselves, or doing activities that bring joy, these things play a big role in finding balance and resilience when dealing with parent burnout.
Just being there, listening, and showing support can mean the world to someone riding the burnout rollercoaster, however, if things seem really tough, gently suggest seeking therapy. Sometimes, having a pro to talk to can be a game-changer in navigating the choppy waters of parent burnout. Therapists familiar with parent burnout can support struggling parents to build skills to help with emotional and behavioral regulation; identify and address nervous system triggers; and clarify values to guide decision-making aimed at reducing the overwhelm that contributes to burnout.
Therapy Help and Parent Classes for Parent Burnout
In the journey of parenthood, acknowledging and addressing burnout is a courageous step towards a healthier family life. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, stress, or parent burnout, know that therapy can be a powerful tool for healing. Seeking therapy offers a non-judgmental and supportive space to explore and process your experiences, providing transformative insights for growth. At Shore Therapy, there is a commitment to offer high-quality therapy aimed at fostering healing and understanding, with a specialization in parent and caregiver burnout.
Contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation to talk about your therapeutic needs. I provide therapy for parents of kids with special needs and high support needs who may be struggling with parent or caregiver burnout; affirmative therapy with marginalized populations including LGBTQ and neurodivergent humans; therapy for trauma and PTSD; EMDR therapy or virtual EMDR therapy online.
All therapy can be provided in the Shore Therapy Evanston office located close to Chicago, Wilmette, and the rest of the North Shore, or as online therapy in over 35 states across the United States as a PSYPACT therapist. Read more about me and my training and experience, and reach out today.
For those who may be unable to access therapy immediately or are looking for additional resources, consider exploring online learning classes tailored to address parent burnout. These courses provide valuable insights and strategies to navigate the challenges of parenting, especially for those raising neurodivergent kids or children with higher support needs. Whether through therapy or online learning, taking proactive steps toward your well-being is a vital investment in both yourself and your family. Reach out, explore, and embark on a journey of healing and growth.
Lin, G.-X., Hansotte, L., Szczygieł, D., Meeussen, L., Roskam, I., & Mikolajczak, M. (2020). Parenting with a Smile: Display Rules, Regulatory Effort, and Parental Burnout. https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/ewjyn
Mikolajczak, M., & Roskam, I. (2020). Parental burnout: Moving the focus from children to parents. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2020(174), 7–13. https://doi.org/10.1002/cad.20376
Roskam, I., Brianda, M.-E., & Mikolajczak, M. (2018). A step forward in the conceptualization and measurement of parental burnout: The Parental Burnout Assessment (PBA). Frontiers in Psychology, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00758
Roskam, I., Aguiar, J., Akgun, E., Arikan, G., Artavia, M., Avalosse, H., Aunola, K., Bader, M., Bahati, C., Barham, E. J., Besson, E., Beyers, W., Boujut, E., Brianda, M. E., Brytek-Matera, A., Carbonneau, N., César, F., Chen, B.-B., Dorard, G., … Mikolajczak, M. (2021). Parental burnout around the globe: A 42-country study. Affective Science, 2(1), 58–79. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-020-00028-4
